I don’t know whether you have heard the news, but you can now fly your pet across the country and not have to worry about them suffocating or freezing to death in the cargo hold. PetAirways will fly your pet cross country in the luxury of the cabin of the plane, where attendants will check on them every fifteen minutes and also take them for potty breaks along the way.

Our cat Checkers, God love her, was a terrible traveler. We would take her back and forth from up north to North Carolina on a regular basis in the car and she would howl the entire way. Sixteen hours is a very long time to be in a closed environment with an unhappy cat in a cage and had PetAirways been up and running, we probably would have employed their services just for our sanity.

So even though we no longer have any pets, this Pet airline intrigues me and I have many questions that need to be answered. For example, are the animals fastened into their seats? Does the attendant stand in the aisle like on a people flight and demonstrate the ease of opening and closing the seat belt clasps? I can just hear the animals now…”Geez…if I only had a thumb!”

And what animal gets to sit at the emergency exit? The person on a people flight who sits at the emergency door has to be capable of functioning should the worst case scenario play out, so I definitely wouldn’t put the Golden Retrievers there. Their tails would be wagging and they would be giddy with the excitement of playing with the oxygen masks that have just dropped from the ceiling rather than concentrating on getting the freakin’ emergency door open.

What do they offer for the entrees when dinnertime comes? “Fancy feast” would be appropriate for the first class felines and of course, it would be served in Waterford crystal bowls. Dogs are not as discerning when it comes to food and will eat anything, as evidenced by our Golden Retriever Sandy who ate 7 corncobs, 10 spareribs and a ball of string at one seating, resulting in a visit to the all night emergency vet. If Sandy were on the Pet Plane, I would be concerned that he would be eating the seat cushions and happily munching on the carpet. And what are the selections on the drink cart? Do the attendants offer toilet water for the dogs in fancy glasses with wide rims so they can lap it up as they cruise through the clouds?

People flights usually have the armed security officers on board in case there is a terrorist attack. I imagine PetAirways will be interviewing the Blood Hounds and the Police Dogs for that position.

How do they handle the potty breaks? On the website it states that the animals are taken on a “regular basis” to a “confined area” for their nature calls. I’m picturing a huge red fire hydrant bolted to the middle of the confined area for the dogs and an oversize sand box for the cats.

What kind of on board entertainment is provided? I would venture to say that they take “car chase” scene clips for the canine spectators and excerpts from Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds for the viewing pleasure of the felines.

Another interesting fact is that just like on people flights, each “pawssenger” is only allowed to bring on board “anything that can fit into a one gallon zip lock bag including food, medicine and a small toy.” Guess the Homeland Security was consulted for the traveling animals too.

Well it all is pretty amazing. But I have to wonder what kind of person would sign on for the job of taking care of animals in midair. The site has a FAQ format and one of the questions was “Should I give my pet a sedative before travel?” The answer was “Absolutely not! Common tranquilizers have very serious consequences for traveling pets”.

And I would add…”Better to leave the tranquilizers for the attendants!!! They’re going to need them!!!”